Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
