yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
