Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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