Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize