first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
