Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
