I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
