I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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