3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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