Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
