Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
