Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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