Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
