fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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