i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want her autograph on my taint
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
