By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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