never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
