he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
