It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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