When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
