an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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