Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
