It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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