what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
