Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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