I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
