id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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