You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
