I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
