No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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