Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
