he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
