He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize