All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
