New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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