Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
