At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
