Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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