I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
