I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
