just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
