So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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