This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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