I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
