I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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