Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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