It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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