Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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