i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
