Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
