Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
