Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
