the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
