You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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