I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
send nudes
from the living room?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
