Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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