1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
