I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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