sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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