I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
