i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
