We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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