My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
