wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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