I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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