Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
