when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
