She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
