Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
