Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
