YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
