So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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