am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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