She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
NoShamevember. You game?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just forgot I was standing up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
