Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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